Robin Hood

Ok, some historical facts.
In 1199, Richard I died while laying siege to a small castle in Normandy. His
brother John took the throne, and, amongst other things, taxed the country so
heavily that a number of powerful barons revolted, and forced him to sign the
Magna Carta in 1215, reducing his power. He later recanted, and there was civil
war, which really only ended when he died of dysentery in 1216 leaving the
throne to Henry III, his 9 year old son.

This film is *kind* of interested in these historical facts, in that they all
kind of happen (save for the dysentery and death thing, which I suppose might
have happened in a post-credits sequence), only they happen in a cockeyed
fashion, in a more or less random order, and in the space of, let's be
generous, a couple of weeks. During this two week period, Russell Crowe wanders
around Nottingham (which appears from the accents to be in Yorkshire) like some
kind of Che Guevarra figure. There's some kind of "Return of Martin Guerre"
subplot in which we get to have our cake and eat it, with Robin being the
common outlaw of some legends, and the returned crusader knight of others. I
did hope that this would mean that he would later be revealed to also be Robin
out of Batman and Robin, and ice skater Robin Cousins. Sadly, no. Despite the
limited time available, most of which he spends masquerading as someone else,
he becomes a local legend for doing things he keeps completely secret and
nobody finds out about.

Along with Robin come Will Scarlet, Little John and Alan A'Dale, whose
contribution to the plot are basically drinking, shagging and singing. Cate
Blanchett appears as Maid Marian with a Barnsley accent (when she remembers),
and Max Von Sydow appears, yet again, as Someone's Eighty Year Old Dad Who's
About To Die.

Anyway, the whole thing basically rattles along perfectly well for about an
hour and a half, and looks like it may well turn out to be a good film.
However, it all turns to complete and utter nonsense in the last half hour,
with the Magna Charter (they are definitely saying charter) being waved around
like it's Das Kapital, and the French invading in a scene that's like a cross
between the start of Saving Private Ryan (including staggeringly unlikely
landing craft that the French have apparently rowed from Calais) and the end of
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (i.e. was so stupid that they may as well have
been banging coconuts together.)

Ultimately, though, any Robin Hood film is going to hinge on the question of
whether the actor playing Robin Hood's any good. And he isn't. In that he's
same old sulky Russell Crowe. I could forgive the film a lot if it were any
fun, but it really isn't.