There's one clear winner in all this, and that's Tim Powers. In that this film is nominally "Suggested by" his book "On Stranger Tides", an occult pirate tale which involves Blackbeard and The Fountain Of Youth. And however much money Tim Powers got, he got it for the title, and those two concepts. Nothing else seems to have made it through into the film intact. Both of the concepts are public domain by reason of being a real life person, and a well established legendary concept. So Disney has given a man a fat stack of cash for the words "On Stranger Tides."
And, amusingly, these are actually the least strange tides that Jack Sparrow has been sailing for a good long time. Yes, fine, he's going to an island home to mermaids and a magical water source, but last time he'd gone beyond the realms of death. So really, this film should be On Tamer Tides.
So then, the plot; There is a legendary Fountain Of Youth, and its whereabouts and method of use have come to light. Everybody wants it, where Everybody is defined as the British (sending Capt. Barbossa, now a privateer working for the crown), the Spanish (sending some people who don't really get names or a lot of dialogue) and Blackbeard (played by Lovejoy). There's a bit of a scavenger hunt, as there's four things you need to have, or need to know in order to use the fountain, and everyone's busily stealing them off each other.
The film itself is the usual for a film of this type, i.e. one which some exec somewhere ordered off a pizza menu, and which everyone concerned just baked to order without any concern for whether it actually works. Starts in London with a big chase scene, then some bits at sea, then some bits on an island, all of which are just inevitable one-after-the-other setpieces which rollercoaster us towards the conclusion without ever really feeling like vital bits of the plot.
It's hard to criticise Pirates for behaving like a rollercoaster, given how much actual rollercoaster there is in its DNA. What is worthy of criticism is that there's bits of it that really drag. Like you made a rollercoaster and put a section of it in the middle that just pootles along on the flat for a while before pulling its finger out and getting back to the loops and big drops.
The performances are what you've come to expect by now, but certainly no more than that. I think Geoffrey Rush has pretty much got bored by now, in particular. Some of the lines are good, but nothing much you'll be quoting incessantly as with the first film.
There's an adage in film-making, I understand, which states that a sequel, to be considered successful, should take 60% of the box office of the last outing. And while this isn't a film without a redeeming feature, it's clear that it was made solely with that ambition.
Views, Reviews, and Inflammatory Comments on the subject of Cinema.
Sunday 29 May 2011
Thursday 26 May 2011
Blitz
Alright. So. Hmmm.
First off, we have Aiden Gillen. He is a serial killer who's decided to kill a bunch of coppers in Southeast London. That actually overstates the issue; we're not talking about a sermonising madman in the Kevin Spacey in Seven mould. Rather, then than call him a serial killer, he's basically just an arsehole. A violent arsehole with a chip on his shoulder. So, he's off on a killing spree to kill some coppers.
Now, as you are probably well aware, the Police in the UK, especially in the Met are all wide eyed innocents, utterly lacking in street smarts, and complete strangers to the ways of violence, which makes them basically helpless targets. That is all but Jason Statham, who's an old school copper who wishes he was Gene Hunt but hasn't the material. He's on notice for having beaten up three young thugs robbing a car, which the papers have blown up into a police brutality thing. And in fairness, it *was* a police brutality thing, but the youths were more armed than the paper suggested.
Anyway, in light of this idiot on the loose killing coppers, Statham is put on the case, under newly promoted Inspector Paddy Considine, who's a gay officer who's previously had a lot of hassle from fellow officers for being gay.
And the hunt is on.
I wanted to really like this film, because the idea is basically what's happened earlier in the month with Attack The Block; take a trad standard eighties US B-Movie plot (in this case, renegade cop vs sociopathic killer) and give it a smart, lo-fi, British makeover. But sadly, while they nailed the lo-fi and the British bit, unlike Attack The Block, this film falls woefully short on the Smarts. For instance, without giving much away, part way through the film we have the standard trope of "cops know they have their man, but have insufficient evidence to charge, so have to free him." Fair enough. Except that sitting there in the cinema, I could see that there was something they could *easily* have used to charge him with, a piece of physical evidence which he had on him when they arrested him, and which they gave back to him when they released him. I mean, for god's sake, did nobody making the film even notice that? And this point should be regarded as illustrative of a generally slapdash plot.
So, while I really would have liked the film they probably *hoped* they were making, unfortunately, the script wasn't up to the job in either the plot or dialogue departments. Performance wise, everyone does the best they can with the material they're given; Statham is Statham, and faintly pissed off as usual. Gillen is a convincing petty psycho who thinks he's a genius, and Considine is great as a just slightly fey gay man, who's still hard as nails where it counts. That much, we can enjoy, and prevent the film being a complete waste of time, but it's a pretty flawed and rickety structure overall.
First off, we have Aiden Gillen. He is a serial killer who's decided to kill a bunch of coppers in Southeast London. That actually overstates the issue; we're not talking about a sermonising madman in the Kevin Spacey in Seven mould. Rather, then than call him a serial killer, he's basically just an arsehole. A violent arsehole with a chip on his shoulder. So, he's off on a killing spree to kill some coppers.
Now, as you are probably well aware, the Police in the UK, especially in the Met are all wide eyed innocents, utterly lacking in street smarts, and complete strangers to the ways of violence, which makes them basically helpless targets. That is all but Jason Statham, who's an old school copper who wishes he was Gene Hunt but hasn't the material. He's on notice for having beaten up three young thugs robbing a car, which the papers have blown up into a police brutality thing. And in fairness, it *was* a police brutality thing, but the youths were more armed than the paper suggested.
Anyway, in light of this idiot on the loose killing coppers, Statham is put on the case, under newly promoted Inspector Paddy Considine, who's a gay officer who's previously had a lot of hassle from fellow officers for being gay.
And the hunt is on.
I wanted to really like this film, because the idea is basically what's happened earlier in the month with Attack The Block; take a trad standard eighties US B-Movie plot (in this case, renegade cop vs sociopathic killer) and give it a smart, lo-fi, British makeover. But sadly, while they nailed the lo-fi and the British bit, unlike Attack The Block, this film falls woefully short on the Smarts. For instance, without giving much away, part way through the film we have the standard trope of "cops know they have their man, but have insufficient evidence to charge, so have to free him." Fair enough. Except that sitting there in the cinema, I could see that there was something they could *easily* have used to charge him with, a piece of physical evidence which he had on him when they arrested him, and which they gave back to him when they released him. I mean, for god's sake, did nobody making the film even notice that? And this point should be regarded as illustrative of a generally slapdash plot.
So, while I really would have liked the film they probably *hoped* they were making, unfortunately, the script wasn't up to the job in either the plot or dialogue departments. Performance wise, everyone does the best they can with the material they're given; Statham is Statham, and faintly pissed off as usual. Gillen is a convincing petty psycho who thinks he's a genius, and Considine is great as a just slightly fey gay man, who's still hard as nails where it counts. That much, we can enjoy, and prevent the film being a complete waste of time, but it's a pretty flawed and rickety structure overall.
Monday 16 May 2011
Hanna
Here's an odd little thing. Part espionage thriller, part fairy tale.
Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) is a young girl who lives in a remote forest alpine
forest, with her father (Eric Bana). They live off the land, in a log cabin,
where her father is evidently training her to be some kind of killing machine
assassin. One day, as a young girl growing up will, she tells her father that
she's ready, and wants to see the world. In response, he produces some kind of
transponder signal box, and tells her that she only needs to flick the switch,
and the people looking for them will come and find them, and that there will be
no going back. After some consideration, she flicks the switch. And all hell,
of course, breaks loose.
After the dust settles, and some significant escapade, she finds herself in
Morocco, where, after some stumbling about, she hooks up with a British family
who take her for a girl backpacking on her own, and tags along with them as
part of her instructions to rendezvous with her father in Berlin. And thus, in
the words of a great man, she Goes On Holiday By Mistake, and has a voyage of
self discovery through the off-the-beaten-track-but-still-quite-touristy bits
of Europe. Meanwhile, sinister forces are tracking her down, in the shape of
CIA Person/Wicked Witch (Cate Blanchette) and her creepy off-the-books henchman
in terrible sports casual wear (Tom Hollander). Things gradually come to a head
as she and her father approach the rendezvous point (a deserted Brothers Grimm
themed theme park) where all, and more, is revealled.
It's quite an interesting idea, in that the idea of a character who is nothing
but a perfect killer, who gradually learns some humanity is now part of the
mythology of modern cinema, and this film goes the step further and casts such
a character into a modern day fairy tale. And like a proper, pre-Disney fairy
tale, a lot of blood is going to flow before the end.
While it's interestingly done, it's not perfect; There's a lot of odd camera
shots which dangerously skirt the line between arty and self-indulgent. The
performances are a bit sparse and archetypical rather than fleshed out
characters - Hanna and her father are very much ciphers who give nothing away,
Cate Blanchette hams it up a bit as a wicked stepmother/witch type, and Tom
Hollander is in possession of a very camp and pervy German accent.
What is good about it, though, and the reason it should be seen and considered
rather than prejudged and avoided, is that something interesting is being
attempted here, and while it's not an unqualified success, it's a step into
less well-travelled cinematic territory, and there's much here to enjoy.
Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) is a young girl who lives in a remote forest alpine
forest, with her father (Eric Bana). They live off the land, in a log cabin,
where her father is evidently training her to be some kind of killing machine
assassin. One day, as a young girl growing up will, she tells her father that
she's ready, and wants to see the world. In response, he produces some kind of
transponder signal box, and tells her that she only needs to flick the switch,
and the people looking for them will come and find them, and that there will be
no going back. After some consideration, she flicks the switch. And all hell,
of course, breaks loose.
After the dust settles, and some significant escapade, she finds herself in
Morocco, where, after some stumbling about, she hooks up with a British family
who take her for a girl backpacking on her own, and tags along with them as
part of her instructions to rendezvous with her father in Berlin. And thus, in
the words of a great man, she Goes On Holiday By Mistake, and has a voyage of
self discovery through the off-the-beaten-track-but-still-quite-touristy bits
of Europe. Meanwhile, sinister forces are tracking her down, in the shape of
CIA Person/Wicked Witch (Cate Blanchette) and her creepy off-the-books henchman
in terrible sports casual wear (Tom Hollander). Things gradually come to a head
as she and her father approach the rendezvous point (a deserted Brothers Grimm
themed theme park) where all, and more, is revealled.
It's quite an interesting idea, in that the idea of a character who is nothing
but a perfect killer, who gradually learns some humanity is now part of the
mythology of modern cinema, and this film goes the step further and casts such
a character into a modern day fairy tale. And like a proper, pre-Disney fairy
tale, a lot of blood is going to flow before the end.
While it's interestingly done, it's not perfect; There's a lot of odd camera
shots which dangerously skirt the line between arty and self-indulgent. The
performances are a bit sparse and archetypical rather than fleshed out
characters - Hanna and her father are very much ciphers who give nothing away,
Cate Blanchette hams it up a bit as a wicked stepmother/witch type, and Tom
Hollander is in possession of a very camp and pervy German accent.
What is good about it, though, and the reason it should be seen and considered
rather than prejudged and avoided, is that something interesting is being
attempted here, and while it's not an unqualified success, it's a step into
less well-travelled cinematic territory, and there's much here to enjoy.
Sunday 15 May 2011
Attack The Block
It's an odd thing; written and directed by Joe Cornish, and featuring (albeit in a minor role) Nick Frost, I was expecting this to be a straight up comedy, with a literate knowledge of the genre it's spoofing, like Sean of the Dead. And while it's not definitely *not* a comedy, in as much as some of the characters are funny people, and others are funny by virtue of being fish out of water in the situation they find themselves in, this is much more of an Alien movie than a comedy.
The situation is, on her way home from work one night, a young nurse called Sam is mugged by a local gang of youths. During the mugging, something literally falls from the sky next to them, and destroys a car. On investigating, the youths find that it's some kind of weird beast, which attacks one of them, then runs off into the night. They pursue it, corner it, and kill it. They take this thing, a weird, grey, slimy eyeless thing, all teeth and claws, home, because they think that it might be worth something. However, further things are falling from the sky. Much bigger things, which seem intent on attacking the block of flats that the youths (and the young nurse) live in, and the inhabitants have to form a wary alliance to defend themselves against Rampaging Killer Beasties From Outer Space.
First off, cards on the table, skip to the end - it's a really good film. Reminds me of your low-budget 80s creature features of the CHUD/Critters type, but with a very healthy dose of British wit and style. I think the characters are well observed; the gang of youths are charming, amoral kids, with no qualms about petty crime, and an air of injured innocence about being hassled by the Police, despite actually being habitual criminals. This doesn't stop them being brave, likeable characters, willing to stand up for them and their own. Likewise, the mistake of making the group bond out of necessity never comes too easily, or too deeply. It's very well judged.
The creature effects are lovely; one of the character puts it best, they're "gorilla-wolf motherf*ckers", bounding about the place with night-black fur that makes them difficult to make out, and eerie-blue glowing teeth. If I have a criticism, it's perhaps that these creatures aren't quite badass enough; a few of them get killed in some quite ignominious ways, which in some ways takes away from how scary they are. On the other hand, by the end, there are a *hell* of a lot of them.
So, really, it's quite peculiar, being a teen creature slasher film, but with some honest-to-god social commentary in it. And for my money, if something can be both peculiar, and really good, that film is worth taking time out to see.
The situation is, on her way home from work one night, a young nurse called Sam is mugged by a local gang of youths. During the mugging, something literally falls from the sky next to them, and destroys a car. On investigating, the youths find that it's some kind of weird beast, which attacks one of them, then runs off into the night. They pursue it, corner it, and kill it. They take this thing, a weird, grey, slimy eyeless thing, all teeth and claws, home, because they think that it might be worth something. However, further things are falling from the sky. Much bigger things, which seem intent on attacking the block of flats that the youths (and the young nurse) live in, and the inhabitants have to form a wary alliance to defend themselves against Rampaging Killer Beasties From Outer Space.
First off, cards on the table, skip to the end - it's a really good film. Reminds me of your low-budget 80s creature features of the CHUD/Critters type, but with a very healthy dose of British wit and style. I think the characters are well observed; the gang of youths are charming, amoral kids, with no qualms about petty crime, and an air of injured innocence about being hassled by the Police, despite actually being habitual criminals. This doesn't stop them being brave, likeable characters, willing to stand up for them and their own. Likewise, the mistake of making the group bond out of necessity never comes too easily, or too deeply. It's very well judged.
The creature effects are lovely; one of the character puts it best, they're "gorilla-wolf motherf*ckers", bounding about the place with night-black fur that makes them difficult to make out, and eerie-blue glowing teeth. If I have a criticism, it's perhaps that these creatures aren't quite badass enough; a few of them get killed in some quite ignominious ways, which in some ways takes away from how scary they are. On the other hand, by the end, there are a *hell* of a lot of them.
So, really, it's quite peculiar, being a teen creature slasher film, but with some honest-to-god social commentary in it. And for my money, if something can be both peculiar, and really good, that film is worth taking time out to see.
Wednesday 11 May 2011
Priest
It is The Future. The world has been all-but consumed as a result of an endless war, with the wasteland dotted with heavily fortified urban metropoli, ruled by an all-powerful totalitarian state. It could be Judge Dredd, but it's not. It's Priest.
In this case, the all-powerful totalitarian state is The Church, who are getting away with this, because the endless war in question is against Vampires. It's been a pretty even fight between humans and vampires throughout history, because while the vampires are faster and stronger, we have all the cool advantages that being a tool-using species, and being able to go out in sunlight entail. This stalemate position was eventually broken, however, when The Church unveiled their ultimate weapon - Priests. Sadly, this does not mean that the war was won by signs reading "Down With This Sort Of Thing" and "Careful Now." It means that Priests are highly trained martial artists and hand to hand warriors, trained in the art of taking on vampires in combat. (All this comes from a Japanese manga originally, and according to some, is a deliberate misreading of Christian religion which parallels Western misrepresentation of Japanese culture. Fun.)
Anyhow, the Priests won the war, and were then disbanded, because for some reason the totalitarian state couldn't think of a reason to keep on a squad of fanatically loyal super-warriors. So the priests get by on menial jobs, until one day a sheriff from the badlands outside the city comes to find one of these ex-Priests (Paul Bettany), to tell him that the vampires are back, and have kidnapped his niece. He wants to go rescue her, the Church won't let him, because that would mean admitting that there was a vampire problem, he goes anyway, and the church bring some more priests out of retirement to hunt him down for breaking his vows of obedience. Game On.
All else is your standard plot of a posse following a trail to hunt down the bad guys and rescue the girl. The film is not so much riddled with cliches in the same way as a house cannot be said to be riddled with bricks. The cliches are the film, are part of the construction of the film, and nothing good about the film could exist without them. It's part Western (with the posse whizzing around the wild west desert on jetbikes), part post-apocalypse sci-fi, and part alien bug-hunt. And I say bug hunt, because these aren't boring shiny Twilight vampires. Nosiree. These are big hissing eyeless alien creatures more reminiscent of xenomorphs from Alien, with the power levels dialled down a little so that it's mildly feasible that a human could survive an encounter with them if he's very, very skilled. And fortunately, they are very skilled, with Paul Bettany and Maggie Q (as a Priestess) being in possession of some serious crowning moments of awesome.
I'm not sure everyone will like this movie. If you can't bear a cliche, then stay away. If, however, you enjoy watching the conventions of genre being *rigidly* observed, as I do, then you'll enjoy it. Atmosphere wise, well, you can go Fun, you can go Serious, or you can go So Damned Serious, It's Funny. In my view, it's the latter. Paul Bettany wanders about the place being all gloomy and portentious the whole time, and it's stupidly over the top. Bad bits? Well, Karl Urban, as the big bad guy, is saddled with some awful dialogue. And the Sheriff sidekick, Snoozy McFallsdownalot, is so tragically inept in comparison with The Priest, that you almost have to wonder why he's there at all.
A final point - the 3D, slapped right there in the title, is either poor or nonexistent throughout. I don't know if they're distributing it in 2D at all, but if they do, that's probably the better option. Again.
In this case, the all-powerful totalitarian state is The Church, who are getting away with this, because the endless war in question is against Vampires. It's been a pretty even fight between humans and vampires throughout history, because while the vampires are faster and stronger, we have all the cool advantages that being a tool-using species, and being able to go out in sunlight entail. This stalemate position was eventually broken, however, when The Church unveiled their ultimate weapon - Priests. Sadly, this does not mean that the war was won by signs reading "Down With This Sort Of Thing" and "Careful Now." It means that Priests are highly trained martial artists and hand to hand warriors, trained in the art of taking on vampires in combat. (All this comes from a Japanese manga originally, and according to some, is a deliberate misreading of Christian religion which parallels Western misrepresentation of Japanese culture. Fun.)
Anyhow, the Priests won the war, and were then disbanded, because for some reason the totalitarian state couldn't think of a reason to keep on a squad of fanatically loyal super-warriors. So the priests get by on menial jobs, until one day a sheriff from the badlands outside the city comes to find one of these ex-Priests (Paul Bettany), to tell him that the vampires are back, and have kidnapped his niece. He wants to go rescue her, the Church won't let him, because that would mean admitting that there was a vampire problem, he goes anyway, and the church bring some more priests out of retirement to hunt him down for breaking his vows of obedience. Game On.
All else is your standard plot of a posse following a trail to hunt down the bad guys and rescue the girl. The film is not so much riddled with cliches in the same way as a house cannot be said to be riddled with bricks. The cliches are the film, are part of the construction of the film, and nothing good about the film could exist without them. It's part Western (with the posse whizzing around the wild west desert on jetbikes), part post-apocalypse sci-fi, and part alien bug-hunt. And I say bug hunt, because these aren't boring shiny Twilight vampires. Nosiree. These are big hissing eyeless alien creatures more reminiscent of xenomorphs from Alien, with the power levels dialled down a little so that it's mildly feasible that a human could survive an encounter with them if he's very, very skilled. And fortunately, they are very skilled, with Paul Bettany and Maggie Q (as a Priestess) being in possession of some serious crowning moments of awesome.
I'm not sure everyone will like this movie. If you can't bear a cliche, then stay away. If, however, you enjoy watching the conventions of genre being *rigidly* observed, as I do, then you'll enjoy it. Atmosphere wise, well, you can go Fun, you can go Serious, or you can go So Damned Serious, It's Funny. In my view, it's the latter. Paul Bettany wanders about the place being all gloomy and portentious the whole time, and it's stupidly over the top. Bad bits? Well, Karl Urban, as the big bad guy, is saddled with some awful dialogue. And the Sheriff sidekick, Snoozy McFallsdownalot, is so tragically inept in comparison with The Priest, that you almost have to wonder why he's there at all.
A final point - the 3D, slapped right there in the title, is either poor or nonexistent throughout. I don't know if they're distributing it in 2D at all, but if they do, that's probably the better option. Again.
Sunday 1 May 2011
Hobo With A Shotgun
Philosophical question: If you set out to make a rubbish film, and you make a rubbish film, have you succeeded or failed?
To consider this film, you have to look at what it is. Hobo With A Shotgun was one of the trailers submitted by the public in a competition in the run up to Tarantino's Grindhouse project, and won the regional prize for Canada, and was included in the trailer reel for the Canadian release. It's a parody of Troma non-classics such as Surf Nazis Must Die. So this is the important bit; this is a genuine and affectionate attempt to make a schlocky low-budget 80s action-horror movie. Which kind of leads me to wonder if anyone's going to win here.
So. Rutger Hauer (for it is he, and god alone knows how they persuaded him to be involved in this), is a Hobo. He arrives in a new town, and finds it dominated by thugs, crazies, rapists, etc, led by some guy in a white suit calling himself The Drake, who has the manner of a TV Preacher, and whose MO seems to be to keep the entire town in such fear that he can do what he likes.
Anyhow, the Hobo tries to get by as best he can, until finally, he can stands no more, gets himself a shotgun, and goes on a rampage slaying all evildoers before him. The Drake, on the other hand, counters this by setting the whole town on him by putting a bounty of sorts on all homeless people, and it all gets violent and pointless, until the inevitable conclusion. Along the way, the Hobo takes under his wing a hooker who's only doing it because there's no other work, and is a really nice girl really (not that there's anything wrong with being a hooker, but there seems to be a distinction made by the film), and she becomes the sidekick/screaming assistant. But not love interest, thankfully, more like a surrogate daughter.
There's a few other characters of note; The Drake has a pair of sons who could probably get work as John Cusack and Tom Cruise impersonators. But not highly paid work. These two are a couple of baseball jacket and rayban equipped psychos who drive around in an 80's style sports car killing people. There's also a pair of purportedly demonic armoured bikers known collectively as The Plague, which make you think "What, really?" the moment you see them.
Anyway, this whole thing is an excuse for scenes of pointless sadism, and bloody retribution for the above pointless sadism. If it were remotely realistic, you'd be disgusted, as it is, as the gore and dyed corn syrup flies, you just have to laugh.
Ultimately, I suppose the film succeeds in that it manages to make the 90 minutes pass pretty quickly and amusingly; there's a lot of criticisms you could make about the film, but the vast majority of them could be answered with the phrase "that was the whole point". However, as my eye alights on all the films that I own that I've never got round to watching, films of quality and renown, I really feel I should ask myself "Was this really the best use of my time this afternoon?"
To consider this film, you have to look at what it is. Hobo With A Shotgun was one of the trailers submitted by the public in a competition in the run up to Tarantino's Grindhouse project, and won the regional prize for Canada, and was included in the trailer reel for the Canadian release. It's a parody of Troma non-classics such as Surf Nazis Must Die. So this is the important bit; this is a genuine and affectionate attempt to make a schlocky low-budget 80s action-horror movie. Which kind of leads me to wonder if anyone's going to win here.
So. Rutger Hauer (for it is he, and god alone knows how they persuaded him to be involved in this), is a Hobo. He arrives in a new town, and finds it dominated by thugs, crazies, rapists, etc, led by some guy in a white suit calling himself The Drake, who has the manner of a TV Preacher, and whose MO seems to be to keep the entire town in such fear that he can do what he likes.
Anyhow, the Hobo tries to get by as best he can, until finally, he can stands no more, gets himself a shotgun, and goes on a rampage slaying all evildoers before him. The Drake, on the other hand, counters this by setting the whole town on him by putting a bounty of sorts on all homeless people, and it all gets violent and pointless, until the inevitable conclusion. Along the way, the Hobo takes under his wing a hooker who's only doing it because there's no other work, and is a really nice girl really (not that there's anything wrong with being a hooker, but there seems to be a distinction made by the film), and she becomes the sidekick/screaming assistant. But not love interest, thankfully, more like a surrogate daughter.
There's a few other characters of note; The Drake has a pair of sons who could probably get work as John Cusack and Tom Cruise impersonators. But not highly paid work. These two are a couple of baseball jacket and rayban equipped psychos who drive around in an 80's style sports car killing people. There's also a pair of purportedly demonic armoured bikers known collectively as The Plague, which make you think "What, really?" the moment you see them.
Anyway, this whole thing is an excuse for scenes of pointless sadism, and bloody retribution for the above pointless sadism. If it were remotely realistic, you'd be disgusted, as it is, as the gore and dyed corn syrup flies, you just have to laugh.
Ultimately, I suppose the film succeeds in that it manages to make the 90 minutes pass pretty quickly and amusingly; there's a lot of criticisms you could make about the film, but the vast majority of them could be answered with the phrase "that was the whole point". However, as my eye alights on all the films that I own that I've never got round to watching, films of quality and renown, I really feel I should ask myself "Was this really the best use of my time this afternoon?"
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