The Matrix: Revolutions

It's a good film. It's chock full of cliché, and is whizzes and bangs from start to finish. If that's not going to float your boat, then tough nuts, I say. If you can't be entertained by this level of shooting and explosions alone, then you're probably a girl or a grown-up.

Plot-wise, liked it. Reloaded muddied the waters, talked a lot about Choice and Philosophy and all that, and I'm glad to say that it turns out to be just trimmings, and the real message of the trilogy turns out to be "A Man's Gotta Do What A Man's Gotta Do."

Overall, my view of the trilogy is that Movie 1 was (of course) essential, and that Movie 3 was a worthy finale. Movie 2, in my view, suffered from basically just having to get us from Movie 1 to Movie 3. I wouldn't want any of Reloaded tagged onto the end of #1 and #3 was just right as it was, so #2 was a necessary sort-of disappointment in the middle. If they'd asked us to wait a year for Revolutions, I'd have been a bit P-O'd. But since I only saw Reloaded a couple of months ago, I've not got an issue with it.

I'll give Revolutions 8/10. Back to basics, doing what The Matrix should be doing.

Once Upon A Time In Mexico

Ok, this is the third film in the series that also includes El Mariachi and Desperado. Bear that in mind. See at least Desperado, because this movie isn't going to hang around waiting for you to work out why the guy is carrying a guitar and why he's such an awesome killing machine.

The plot is more convoluted than the first two films, and there's an uncomfortable amount of exposition in the first 20 minutes, about how there's a plot by some cartel dudes to kill the president of Mexico in a military coup, and a counter-plot by the CIA to off the leader of the coup after he's killed the president. But that's by the by, it's just setting up a load of betrayals and counter-betrayals down the line.

What you really need to know is that Antonio Banderas is wandering around with a sawn off shotgun, tortured by his past, and killing anyone remotely responsible for this. Johnny Depp is a really smart-arse amoral CIA guy, who gets betrayed, and spends the latter half of the movie seeking vengeance for it, despite a serious handicap. He gets *so* much cooler at this point. The whole thing works itself out in a satisfying enough way, and there's a lot of bodies in the street by the end. Claret by the bucketful.

It doesn't entirely make sense, and I don't think it's as good as Desperado. However, I don't think many things are as good as Desperado, so no real criticism there.

I'll give it 8/10, and declare it My Kind Of Movie.

Calendar Girls

You possibly remember the news story. Some Womens Institute women decide to do a nude calendar, in order to raise money for the local hospital, and cause a bit of a stir.

The film is warm, full of humanity, and is about these lovely middle aged women, and how much fun they have causing a scandal and ruffling feathers. You'll recognise most of them from BBC sitcoms, and films. (as an aside, if you've ever wondered what any of them look like naked, now's your chance.)

There's a few bum notes, mostly "drama" added to keep the pace going. One of the women has a philandering husband, and the experience gives her the confidence to confront him. I wish I could shake the feeling that It Never Really Happened, and the event was added to "make things more interesting" - because is really is #12 in the Big Book Of Standard Sub-plots.

Likewise the two main characters get all huffy at each other for hogging the limelight, and it doesn't really ring true. And that's #9 in the book.

Other than that, the film is a delight, the writing is great, there's some fun cameos, and I would recommend this film to anyone, including your parents.

Blackball

Pretty good, cheeky little comedy. Paul Kaye does a great turn as a cocky, rancid little weasel of a man, infuriatingly good at bowls, to the dismay of polite society. The film takes a lot of little swipes at American "against the odds" sports movies, which are all too common. There's basically two jokes here 1) how exciting bowls really isn't, and 2) how appalling the oik-savant bowls player is.

Paul Kaye made me laugh just looking at him, as did Johnny Vegas as usual. If the film had a weakness, it was that it was taking pot-shots at too many targets - the starchy traditionalist arch-nemesis, the blazer brigade, American sports promoters, sky's coverage of cricket, and so forth. As such, we didn't get nearly the pantomime villains needed to be foil to Kaye's pantomime clown.

Overall, a good 7/10, go see it if you're looking for a movie to watch kind of movie. I wouldn't make a special effort to see it, but if you're at a loose end, and Sunday afternoon TV is all bleedin' Tennis, you could do a lot worse.

Terminator 3

It's the Empire Strikes Back of the series. Doooooom.

It's also back to basics, with a person running, a person chasing, and a person trying and failing to get in the way. And I like that.

Two things clunk in the movie. One is the "jokes" - from the Terminator being clunkingly obsolete, to the knowing asides to the other movies, to the Terminator getting his leathers from a gay stripper. The T-800 isn't a threat, he's a bit sad. The world seems to be ganging up on him to mock him.

The second is that Arnie has just lost it. He used to be able to do Impassive Killing Machine, and now he just can't. Something happened, he got old, and he's just not scary anymore.

Having said that, I really dug the plot in a chin-stroking kind of way, even though this is a Terminator film which is at it's worst when there's Terminators on screen. So I'm giving it 7/10.

Legally Blonde 2

Ok, this is all that is bad about Hollywood.

Take one successful, and reasonably charming film.

Take all the scenes from the first film that people liked, and do them again, slightly different.

Then stitch the thing into a slightly different location (In this case, Congress, rather than Harvard.) Write a cliched plot about this location. Play spot the cliche about political movies. Soul Searching Conversation With The Lincoln Memorial? Check. Embittered person made to remember that originally, they got into politics to help people and make a difference? Check.

So, it's movie making by the yard. No soul, intelligence or charm.

Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle

I say take your inner 14 year old out, and show him a good time.

But also, let your adult self marvel at the genius on show here. This isn't an action movie. This is an exercise in knowingly filming utterly impossible, idiotic things, and casually passing them off as an action movie, with a sly wink. This movie is cute, funny and sexy, and has more barefaced cheek than any ten movies combined.

Bruce Almighty

Vapid rubbish, in which Jim Carrey gurns.

A bit harsh. Maybe.

This is typical "moral in the tail" American comedy. In which we are told that rather than set our sights high in life, we should accept our lot and marry Jennifer Anniston. Jim Carrey is given the power of god, does a few minor things which cause a major, and implausible, upset in his local town, is taught the lesson that rather than trying and failing to answer prayers, he should basically do nothing except maybe be nice to people, and then the whole thing goes away, and Jim realises... something or other.

Despite a lack of plot or message, there's a couple of performances to look at. Jim Carrey rants well, and amusingly, Morgan Freeman does inscrutible and benign. Jennifer Anniston simply is.

5/10. It's not a dead loss, but it's an audacious idea that goes absolutely nowhere.

Jackass: The Movie

It's 90 minutes of utter nonsense with a good soundtrack.

Just a few comments, really. First, it's great, go and watch it if you are remotely interested in the field of Stupidity. Second, I am getting thoroughly cheesed of with Bam Margera, and will by buying Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 so that I may crash his smug little face into the concrete a lot. Finally, it cleverly shows that movies do not desensitise us to violence. In my time I have sat, unflinching as a variety of hideous and gory woundings have been inflicted on movie characters. But could I watch while four idiots sat around giving each other paper cuts? No I could not.

Hard to give this one an "out of 10" rating. It's basically the leader of a field of one.

Solaris

I liked this film simply because it wasn't at all like yer average sci-fi. The whole set and cinematography echo movies that either have implausibly-betoothed aliens or loonies doing things with the station's supply of big scalpels or something. But that's not what the film turns out to be about at all. Essentially, this is the movie where all the things that happen in Event Horizon don't.

Jolly good. Liked it. Solid 8/10

8 Mile

Ok. This film is The Karate Kid with swearing.

Unfair, but that's your basic plot. Put upon young kid gets hassle, enters competition with hasslers, triumphs.

End of the day though, it's a very good flick for lotsa reasons. First, if you like Eminem, you'll like the movie, because there's a lot of him in it, doing his thing. He can act, in as much as he can play himself, and that's what he does. Not sure I'd cast him as Hamlet or anything, but he does a good job.

Plot wise, though it's nothing new, it is new because it doesn't have a cliched, uber-happy, "everything's going to be alright now" ending. The story seems pretty realistic, since nothing unlikely happens in it at all. No huge record contracts from mysterious talent scouts appear at the end, and so you can sit back and watch, safe in the knowledge that no "Yadda-yadda" clichés are coming your way.

And that's another thing about it. It all seems pretty real (for all I know of 90's Detroit). There's black guys, but they're not all in gangs and waving guns. Two guns appear in this movie. Two bullets are fired, only one hits anyone. This isn't about violence, it's about a realistic view of grinding poverty, and people trying to get out of it, or at least exist in it.

Bad points? Not a lot happens. Which is fair enough, since it's a film about little people with big problems which aren't going to be solved in 90 minutes. But does leave you feeling a bit like nothing much happened.

Still, it's a "didn't look at my watch" movie, and one which I would recommend on a "If you're in the mood to watch a film, go see this one basis." Don't make a special effort, but I think it's probably the best thing in the cinema right now.

I'll give it a solid 8/10, and you might give it another one, if you were a big fan of Eminem, and would get a big kick out of watching him rap.