Solomon Kane

Solomon Kane is (at the start of the movie) a grade A murdering bastard. He's a
privateer captain whose purpose in life appears to be the pillaging and burning
of foreigners. During such a pillage and burn session, he comes across the
castle of a sorcerer where he discovers that his soul is forfeit, which seems
to come as something of a surprise to him, which is a bit rich given the amount
of wanton murder he commits in the run up to this revelation.

I should say at this point, that this whole business takes place in the 17th
century. I especially need to point this out since I'm going to be saying
"Sword" "Castle" and "Sorcerer" quite a bit. This is because Solomon Kane is a
character created by Robert E. Howard. If Robert E. Howard had written Sense
and Sensibility, it'd have had swords, sorcerers and castles in it.*

Subsequent to this, SK realises he's fucked, and returns to England, scarifys
his body with religious symbols, hides in a monastery and forswears violence.
He hopes this way to avoid damnation. Amateur theologists in the audience can
be heard to say "I don't think that's how it works." They'll be saying this
some more before the end.

He is cast out of the monastery, and told he has to return home. On the way he
hooks up with some pilgrims who are heading west, presumably to Bristol, and
thence the new world. Between them and Bristol is the savage land of, erm,
Somerset, which is where Kane is from, and whose father's castle(!) has been
taken over by and evil sorcerer(!) who is enslaving the countryside. He does
this by capturing them and either physically enslaving them if they do not
resemble Phil Mitchell, or corrupting them, mind controlling them, and
inducting them into his army if they do.

Kane's party is attacked, mostly killed, and the young daughter captured. In
his dying breath, the girl's father (Pete Pothelswaite! Yay!) tells Kane that
if he rescues the girl, his soul will be redeemed ("I don't think that's how it
works!")

So Kane renounces renouncing violence, picks up a couple of swords(!) and goes
off to the castle(!) to defeat the sorcerer(!) and his masked sword(!)sman
henchman. Violence, of course, ensues.

All of this is done by James Purefoy as Solomon Kane, in a Britain composed
entirely of mud and blasted woodlands, where if it's not raining, it's snowing.
Which actually makes it one of the most accurate portrayals of England seen on
film. Demons notwithstanding.

As you can tell, I thought the whole thing was utter nonsense, and highly
enjoyable. I hope it does well, and the sequel appears. If you have a mental
age of over 14, you may not agree, but hey. Takes all sorts.

* - And would thus have been awesome.