Having said that, it was hugely enjoyable. Basically, the NSA* have sent three agents to infiltrate this gang of anarchist criminal types, and have got nowhere, because all their agents seem to think that being a spy means wearing tux, and this makes them stand out, since the bad guys have their secret hideout at a Rammstein concert. (Really).
So, after three good men have died in the pursuit of this, they realise that you'd have to be very stupid to take this job on. They then have a think, and realise that Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) is quite the stupidest man in America, and so is ideal for the job.
So, Cage, now codenamed xXx goes undercover, which works surprisingly well, since he's a very well known extreme sports dude with a bad rep, and one of the bad guys is a big fan of his.
Cue much action, infiltration, insanely bad Bond plots, and more action. Basically, loads of set-piece action which is borderline plot relevant. Most favourite of mine is the whole snowboarding bit, where xXx outruns an avalanche. In a Bond film, this avalanche would have been accidental and something Bond seriously could do without. In this film, xXx sets off the avalanche himself, because he thinks that the best way of dealing with a particular problem is to drop a mountain on it.
And it is this sort of thing that makes the movie. Bond is cool, suave and courageous. xXx is a grinning idiot with a casual contempt for his own life and safety. And that's quite engaging. He's definitely America's answer to Bond, rather than an attempt to make a pale copy of him.
I'd give this 8/10. It'd be 9 if the dialogue was better - it's ok, but nothing really quotable. I'd also like to have seen a new breed of Bad Guy to go up against him, but our villain still feels the need to laboriously explain the plan to xXx, rather than just killing him. If I were the bad guy, I'd never have bothered explaining my plan to xXx, on the not unreasonable grounds that I don't think he'd understand it.
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*NSA - National Security Agency, the agency responsible for threats to security on American Soil. And who have no mandate at all for sending agents abroad. Maybe this is why their agents all suck.
